megan

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 00:19:58 GMT

If there is one thing I am not it is naive. stop your fucking games and bullshit. To those who speak ill of others they know little about, well fuck you. I have always treated my friends, family, and what have you like fucking royalty and make more sacrifices for them than most people would ever xonsider.
save your judgement for yourself.

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 03:34:37 GMT

by far the worst summer ever. i just want to be back in amherst. i want things to make sense again. third times a charm. come on god, let her rip. i am ready and waiting, asshole. back to the bitter realist. i am fucking jaded.

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 21:23:15 GMT

i quit everything and you are all fired, fuckers.

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 23:30:11 GMT

at the moment i can not really update anything because i do not have internet access and i am at a library. so point is that it is really akward to write at this point. the weekend was intense i am physically and emotionally drained. i do not know what to even write, say, think, or feel. It takes time to process all of this. right now things are going to shit all around.

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 02:41:45 GMT

I can not wait to be in Amherst tomorrow. I get to see Patrick and Jason. I do not see enough of those two. I will also be attending Rao's and people watching. I honestly love Amherst and miss it, which is a drastic change since my freshmen year. I wish I could stay longer. I think though at the end of August I just might stay with them for a week before classes begin and enjoy the town.
I am completely out of my mind and it feels incredible.
Everyone should act on their impulses and instincts more. I swear life will be less drab. Also I will be in Ohio now on Saturday! I am excited I like the idea of going to places I never been too.
Who wants to take a road trip in August??
I saw Maura today. I love that girl and miss her to the max. Peter ditched me to go to 80's night. jerk.
I think Dakota is sick. i got her medicine but i am not sure what is wrong with her. )= I feel bad leaving her for those few days. ugh. what can ya do.

oh elope with me in private and we'll set something ablaze

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 01:55:32 GMT

I am going. I ordered the tickets. I leave for Amherst Wednesday night and arrive there at 8. Then Jason and I head to New York and then Pittsburgh. I am insane. I will be back sun or mon or who knows when, it depends if i stay in Amherst.
This is worth it. This is by far the biggest impulse I have ever had. That must mean something. It will certainly be a bit of an adventure.

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 17:38:30 GMT

a friend told me once that if you really want something you have the ability to make it happen. that was the best piece of advice he ever offered me. I think now is the time to put that piece of advice to use and make the move despite the hours and money. if there is a will there is a way.
when i went to do laundry your scent was left on my shirt. that gave me the motivation i needed.
this is most likely a bit crazy but what is the point of live with out taking chances, having adventure, and making mistakes. honestly that sounds drab to me.
vague to the max.

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 01:47:08 GMT

lets but this simply i am grateful but also i feel this saddness. this loneliness like when someone hugs you and you want to cry.
its these two conflicting emotions of bliss and sorrow. they should not go together.

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 01:43:30 GMT

its peculiar how are realities change so rapidly at our own instant choices. i go with how i feel emotionally usually not with logic and reason. i think i am leaning towards the setting myself up for dissapointment. however i have that option to set myself up and honestly i dont feel that i am. who knows what will develop from these last few days. i know that last night was amazing and i have that.
life events tend to fall into place eventually and i will just have to wait to see where this belongs.
miles and hours away from here.
i miss you already and its only been some hours.
its strange how you can be with someone for awhile and on a logical level you should feel a bond with that particular person but dont. then you meet a person for a few days and you just..well.. '
im rambling which is typical.
fuck logic. im going with my heart.
if its wrong then thats that.

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 01:27:53 GMT

OMG! why does my email come like 5 hours after it was sent. that is just mean. mean email. i hate you!
tomorrow chris and i are getting haircuts and he is ditching that hoe because i am the hottest girl in ma. only amy is my equal. then mof$*@ braid fri.

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 19:06:18 GMT

its funny how laaaame you are! kinda sad though, maybe even a little pathetic. eh.
i need challenge. who wants to challenge?
my goal to accomplish something every day that is productive that isnt not just fucking around. i do a lot. i mean a lot of that. apparently sean is a JERK!
look at my train of thought. have you ever noticed that it is complete;y all over the place. this is my problem. the reason why i cant accomplish becuase i cant stick to one thing.
holy shit jason is back in ma. woot. woot.
pete(r) is a creep to the maximum extent of creepiness.

a reminder to you boys

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 01:29:54 GMT

sun in october: i wanna chill wif megz!
xstillmyheartx: damn straihgt
xstillmyheartx: haha
sun in october: eeee
sun in october: cutest girl in MA
xstillmyheartx: !

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 01:27:47 GMT

boston is so drab without jeff. there is no one to spy on billy bob with! this needs to change. wonderful.

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 15:57:23 GMT

observations
married men love it when young girls hit on them= big tips
suckers

females who are less prettier or are ghettofied do not leave you tips=fuck their orders up as much as possible (=
crazy housewifes with rich husbands want their kaula and if aint there they spill there wrath=dont make kaula to fuck with them
that is my day so far
braid fri with amy and perhaps chris if he leaves pussy maine.
this could be getting good my friends.

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 03:17:23 GMT

yesterday=amazing
its nice when a good day sneaks up on ya like that.
i was scammed out of 50 cents too. that is just funny.
new rule megan stop being shy and akward.
work tomorrow at 6. boo. then date with amy.
sean awol?

Sun, 30 May 2004 05:54:33 GMT

dear mbta,
i hate you.
there is a change theif amongst us. keep your pockets zipped.
today beef's shin dig which was nicely done. good job beefcakes. hanging out with old guy friends made me miss my four best men from school. come back. thank you.
tomorrow a nice little trip to boston with a cute strange. if the mbta decides to cooperate.
i havent forgotten you jay, i still need to send you pics i just dont have any on this comp and i dont want to give you old ones yuck.
this is me waiting for the mbta website to be nice to me.
mom "she looks a dyke" no idea who she was referring to but nevertheless mom calling dyke=bad humor.
ok i tired fuck you mbta i will get you tomorrow you bastard.

truth

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 21:36:58 GMT

passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance, like patience, passion come from the same latin root: pati. it does not mean to flow with exuberance it means to suffer.
there is few who understand this concept.
i long for boston and everyone there.
everything here is just a means for people to pass their time. i feel as though i am used to pass this time. something to pick up when others are bored like the book you meant to read 4 months ago and forgot that it was still there. a pretty cover with words you cant comprehend so you lose patience or your to selfish to bother.
everyone wears blinders here. im weary.

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 03:18:48 GMT

laaaaaaaaaaaaame. so an apartment in noho is what im going for at the moment. this is what i need. i neeeed to get away from soo much here and patrick is by far the best person for me to live with. im just really starting to feel claustophobic here and distracted by shit. i think im going a little nutty here.
back up off my grill. ok.
on the other hand things are running semi smoothly. im not as introverted anymore. im starting to get a little out there. reaching out to the people. interacting. i got bored of sitting around. yaah this is lame. im done. this is a bad use of time

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 23:54:47 GMT

"I am going out a spectacular failure." thank you chris. i think that sums up just about everything. jason has been skankified.
all girls traveling in threes are outlawed. if you have a white belt, visor, trucker hat, or leg warmers you have been deported to texas. no excuses.

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 04:58:54 GMT

i love when i hear other people having sex. esp when i want to die. its a nice little reminder of how shitty you feel and how absurd life is. thank you neighbors. fuckin die. for the love of god make them stop. god hates me today i am sure of it. this night couldnt get any worse unless a zombie eat me. actually that sounds not too bad. holy fuck this is absurd.

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 04:26:16 GMT

someday

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 00:03:21 GMT

this makes everything better

he makes me swoon

my problem is i doubt too much and need to relax.
who is else would bring me daffodils and tell me the right way to pronounce words and think im still not think im an idiot. point is everything is ok and i need to realize that.

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 03:50:01 GMT

breathing. grateful. reevalutating. perspective.
boston is where i need to be. i need a starbucks apple cider with sean.

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 03:43:41 GMT

its impossible to articulate what it feels like. how many times can you fall so hard and fast and never learn from it. i love too much and too hard. i am a fucking good person. fuck this. i wish i could process what i am feeling. im not insiginificant nor a waster of time. you do not have the authority to make me feel like shit. i know what i want from life i know my direction and who i am. i am fucking better than this. dont let "love" get in the way of your life. this is why i push people away. the worse feeling is when you need someone more than they need you. when you love them and you know they dont even remotely posses that emotion for you. fuck sacrifice fuck commitment fuck everything that you thought mattered in a relationship because you will never know that person despite how much you think you do. fuck i am angsty fuck live journal. whatever i have a life to run and im not putting on the brakes for you. yaah it fucking hurts even more then my heels right now. what the fuck can you do. nothing.

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 22:56:17 GMT

its a vicious cycle. i always fall right into it. i always put myself in this situation. maybe my methods last semster were better at least i was not getting hurt. i think. fuck it im not going to hurt. im sick of trapping myself into these corners. i need to figure myself out again. again. i hate how i feel. i feel like i have no life left in me.
i knew better. i wasnt suppose to let this happen.